My Story Living With Grave's Disease

I’ve been thinking about the years I was so ill. Suffering from an unknown disease that increased my heart rate, gave me constant, relentless anxiety and made me feel I was suffocating 24 hours a day. I also had insomnia. 

We had just returned from a two year Air Force deployment to Turkey. We had our first son Jonathan at Incirlik air base. Towards the end of Doug’s assignment he wanted to re enlist but Uncle Sam was downsizing and said no. So when we returned home and our feet touched US soil we were unemployed and without a home!

Fortunately my parents had an extra bedroom and let us move in with them until we could find our footing. During this time Jonny was an active toddler and I tried my best to wrangle him in and help keep my parents lifestyle semi normal! But of course he was an active normal boy and eventually was nick named “Jonny No-No!”

One Saturday I went to a wedding with my folks. It was about an hour away and we took Jonny with us. I wore a beautiful pair of gray Nine West shoes and a raspberry forties style dress. Perfect for a wedding but not for chasing after a two year old! By the time we got home that evening my feet were throbbing and I was totally exhausted! I went to bed early and decided I would never do that again! 

The next morning my symptoms began.

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I couldn’t catch my breath. It was a miserable feeling and my pulse was racing. I pushed through for days thinking it would pass, but it didn’t, in fact it got worse. Since being discharged from the air force we didn’t have medical insurance. My mom took me to her general practitioner and she probably footed the bill. I sat on the exam table and he took my resting pulse. 125. He immediately had me lay down! He asked a few questions, drew blood and sent me to a ENT doctor who said their was nothing wrong with my ears, nose or throat! 

And so the journey began trying to find an answer.

I struggled daily not to pull my hair and run out of my skin. The problem was I couldn’t get away from the constant torture of anxiety and the feeling I was suffocating. One nurse told me I was hyperventilating and handed me a paper bag to breath in! Another doctor told me it must be stress and I should try reading the Bible. I told him I read the Bible and he handed me a prescription for Xanax. I wore heart monitors and had echocardiograms. My heart was healthy, just beating too fast. I had blood tests. Nothing. 

The Xanax was my only relief. It helped. Eventually after ten months with my parents, Doug found a job in Northern California and we moved up there trying to put our lives back together. The two of us, a toddler and a bottle of Xanax.

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I was raised in a charistmatic church that believes in the gifts and power of the Holy Spirit to heal. I never stopped getting prayer for my health, but it became discouraging when I didn’t get better. God where are you?

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Psalms 31:24

After moving to northern California and needing a Xanax refill I found a doctor who told me it was addictive. I had no idea! I was angry to find out I had become dependant on it and actually needed more now to curb my symptoms. I left the doctors office and decided to go cold turkey and stop taking the drug. What a nightmirror withdrawel is. Not only did I have withdrawel pain but my symptoms return in full blast! I was in a dark pit made of loose sand and I was trapped at the bottom, trying to claw my way out. The despair was so deep and all I wanted was relief. My mother came up for a few days and I remember not being able to sleep and finding her on the sofa. “Mom I feel so bad,” I cried. “Come sit with me” she answered. I layed my head on her shoulder and cried. Her comfort was a memory I will never forget. 

Soon after that I found alcohol would help me cope. I would wait all day to have a 9pm drink and then another before bed. It took the edge off, but was no cure. I would endure day after day, after day, watching the clock for that drink to relieve my anxiety and shortness of breath. I remember waking up in the morning and thinking “No, not another day. I don’t think I can bare it…” It had been 15 months since my symptoms started and I was not getting better. Life had become torture, except for my sweet boy Jonny who gave me a reason to get out of bed. Doug was exceptionally kind, but had no answers.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning.”  Lamentations 3:22-23 

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Doug found a job at a glass company and we were living in a run down apartment. It was all we could afford.  I was in no condition to work. Because of our meager finances Jon wore cloth diapers. I can still see them hanging across the balcony railing, blowing in the wind. Life had to go on, even if it was crawling, and then I found out I was pregnant! 

We had medical insurance now with Kaiser. I saw a doctor who confirmed my preganacy and also sent me to a specialist to see why I was in such poor health. They ran tests and came back saying my thyroid was overactive. Grave’s Disease. Just a blood test with a doctor who knew how to read the results. He precribed medications to help my pulse and block the overactive thyroid. “After the baby is born” he said “we will see if you need to have your thyroid removed, but for now it is best to wait.” Miraculously in my second trimester all my symptoms went into remission!! I  completely forgot about trying to breath!!! I could sleep and my pulse was strong and much slower. The anxiety was gone. No more wine at night.

Grave’s disease is an auto immune disorder. When you are preganant your body shuts down the auto immune reflex to fight against foreign objects, like germs and babies. This helped me so I could carry the baby to full term. It was a wonderful time feeling better and looking forward to a new life. Maybe I was cured?

Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are escaped. Psalms 124:7

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My pregancy was going well. I was labeled high risk and had blood work twice a week! I felt like a pin cushion! We were happily making plans for a new baby and sibling for Jon. I was a little nervous about having to take medication while pregnant, but I was told I needed to or my baby might not make full term.

Doug came home for lunch and as we often did, we turned on the “700 Club” with Pat Robinson and Ben Kenchlow.  If you remember they would pray for the audience and sometimes give a word from the Lord to someone watching. All of the sudden Ben started speaking a word of knowledge and boy did it get my attention! “There’s a lady out there and you’re pregnant. Your name is Mary. No Mari. No Mariranne. Well, one of those names and you’re worried about your baby. The Lord says “The baby will be just fine. The baby will be just fine.” Doug and I looked at each other and KNEW it was a word for us. Because of the unusual spelling of my name it was always pronounced wrong…and I was called Marianne, Mari and Mary. 

Not long after that I had a routine 7 month ultra sound. We heard the technician say “humm” and excuse herself from the room. Two doctors came in and looked at the ultra sound. They started talking amongst themselves. We were no longer there, only the monitor. Another set of doctors appeared and we were surrounded by white coats hemming and hawing. After a few minutes the nurse told me to get dressed and the doctor would speak to us in his office. 

I sat down on the wooden chair facing the doctor with Doug by my side. I was afraid. Suddenly the word from the Lord rose up from deep inside me. The baby will be just fine. The baby will be just fine.

                                                     

We faced the doctor and he said “Your baby has a teratoma on his scacrum. It will need to be removed.” He explained to us that a teratoma is a tumor made up of extra misalanious cells that can cluster during a baby’s formation. It was about 4 ounces big and on the bottom of his tailbone, blocking his anus. FEAR. “The baby will be just fine! The baby will be just fine!!!” Now I knew why God given us that word. We clung to it and the peace of God enveloped us.

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The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, Because he anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor: He hath sent me to proclaim release to the captives, And recovering of sight to the blind, To set at liberty them that are bruised; Luke 4:18

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We waited for the baby to get closer to full term before having a c-section. The doctor advised it would be better for the baby not to have any trama during birth. Jonny had been born fast and naturally in 5 hours, so I was scared to be cut open. Plus knowing my baby would have life saving surgery the day after his birth weighed heavily on my mind. I would sit in the dark, rocking slowly in the wooden chair with my hands on my stomach praying for him. The Word from God comforted me, but we still had a road we had to walk down.

He was born at 4:30 in the afternoon at a Sacramento Kaiser hospital with the best doctors on staff. Dr. Mars performed the surgery. He had just done the exact same surgery on a newborn only a few days old. The poor baby had a 7 pound tumor. Dr Mars said, “you rarely see this kind of thing, and I just treated a similar case”. We were glad he had perform this at least once,  before cutting our baby! 

Baby Luke came through fine, a 4 oz tumor removed and left with an angry crisscross incision across his red bottom held together with staples. He was in the ICU for 10 days. As soon as I was able they had me push my IV and do the C section crab walk down the long hallway to the Neo Natal room. There was my sweet baby hooked up to wires sleeping on his tummy with his painful incision exposed. It was heart breaking. Eventually we were able to touch him, and then hold him. Everything was well, and his body healed. His bowels fuctioned normal.  “The baby was just fine.” Except for his scars.  

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We had to drive back and forth for about a week to visit him. We were about an hour south and it was difficult. On our way to Sacramento I felt my symptoms returning. Shortness of breath, and anxiety.  Oh no!  No please no! I had enjoyed feeling well, even with all the baby stress. I didn’t want to go back to that constant torture.  

Luke came home and thrived. I nursed him for 6 months, trying to enjoy my new baby even though I felt miserable. ( I look back at family pictures and I barely reconize myself. Just enduring, trying to smile….) My doctor sent me to have a radiactive iodine treatment to my thyroid.  It was suppose to cure everything. I went to the basement of the hospital and they gave me a large pill to swollow. “That’s it!” they said.  “Now go home and don’t hold your baby too close to your neck for 48 hours, the radiation isn’t good for him.”

I was given no instructions what to do next. 

Months later I still didn’t feel better. I had no follow up with the doctor. I was lost.  Maybe I fell through the cracks, I don’t know. Or we had a medical insurance change from a new job? I had no idea.  I didn’t feel better or know what to do about it. I was lost.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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Doug took a promotion and we were transferred to Bakersfield. It was a good opportunity to be closer to my parents and family. Luke was about 15 months old now and Jon 4. We didn’t have medical any longer because of the job change. I was still feeling terrible and I knew I had to see a doctor but no one would see me without insurance.  Finally I found a doctor who would let me pay cash for an office call. I told him my history with my thyroid and the radioactivie treatment, so he took my money and ran a blood test. A few days later he told me my TSH was 15 and working fine. Later I learned he didn’t know how to read the test! He was a cosmetic doctor.  But I didn’t know that. I felt hopeless. 

“Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever” Psalm 23:6.

Finally I called the Samson Institute in Santa Barbara and they said they would see me if I had a credit card or someone who would pay for me. The doctor ordered blood tests, just like all the rest, but he undertood the results. My thyroid was now low, not high. It was in need of hormone. He gave me a bottle of synthroid and told me to take 10 pills right away! “You may feel a slight buzz” he said ”but we want to get your numbers down fast.”

We finally had insurance again and I found an Internal Specialist in town. Dr Abraham helped me get my Synthroid dosage right and bring my blood tests into a normal range. But I still had anxiety, panic attacks and needed alcohol to sleep. I didn’t understand what was happening. I should be feeling better.  I was enduring each day, one  minute at a time. I tried to keep busy. I ran track and painted bedrooms. I felt better when I was moving, but as soon as I would sit down I was overwhelmed with symptoms. I feel so bad for my two boys having a mother who was just getting by. It was hard to laugh and play with them when I was in pain.  Sometimes I would just sit on the patio and stare into space for hours. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

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“That sounds like anxiety.” Dr. Abraham said after I told her how poorly I still felt.  She prescribed a new SSRI drug called Celexa and within days I felt better! It worked so good, and so fast without being addictive! My brain chemicals were out of balance and it helped them fire correctly.  Thank you Jesus after 5 years of suffering I had relief. It was my miracle! I went for an hour without thinking about breathing! A day! A week!! A month!! I was able to go back to work and enjoy the things I used to do. Never take your health for granted. 

Now years have past and I have still have struggles with my symtoms. No one knew that Radioactive Iodine patients have the lowest quality of life compared to those who have their thyroids surgically removed. Maybe they hadn’t done the studies yet? But even after radiation you still have Grave’s Disease antibodies that can attack your eyes and produce thyroid hormone. Plus the stress it puts upon your body!! 

“Overall, patients with treated Graves’ disease had
worse thyroid-related quality of life scores than the general population… 

The radioactive iodine therapy group had worse scores for goiter symptoms, hyper- thyroid symptoms, tiredness, anxiety, depression, emotional susceptibility, impaired social life, impaired daily life, and impaired sex life than the antithyroid drug and surgery groups. In addition, the radioactive iodine therapy group had worse scores in hypothyroid symptoms, eye symptoms….” American Thyroid Association  April 2019.

                                                    

Thyroid disease also attacks your eyes.

“If you have Graves’ orbitopathy (GO), a thyroid eye disease resulting from Graves’ disease, your symptoms may worsen after RAI. 

Scientists think this happens because RAI suppresses the regulation of T cells² involved in the immune system. So, your body can still make the antibodies that produce thyroid hormones to excess.”

I had eyelid reduction surgery too from years of swollen eyes. My eyes still hurt and feel like they will pop out of my head when I am over medicated or have a bad headache. It’s part of the “quality of life!” with Grave’s Disease. But at least I have found a way to live. Somedays are better than others, even some months and then a few bumps in the road, but never as bad as before. 

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine!” Proverbs 17:22

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I don’t know why God didn’t heal me. Believe me we prayed and prayed and prayed. If it was a demon we cast it out! We spoke healing in the name of Jesus and annointed me with oil. I knew He was there, and His Word comforted me, but when I finally found medication to help me cope with anxiety it was an answer to prayer. I give the glory to God. I am so thankful to be off that road of suffering. But I will never forget it. 

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Cor. 4:17

Living with Grave’s Disease has changed me. I am much more compassionate person to those dealing with unknown or prolonged sickness. Never tell someone it is sin or a spiritual problem. Just sit next to them with their head on your shoulder and pray. Let them cry if they need to. It’s all right. Don’t give up. Keep seeking, keeping asking and keep knocking. Keep praying. 

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Auto Immune diseases often cluster. Along with my hypo thyroid I have asthma, Ezema, Edema, Diverticulitis, IBS, restless leg syndrome and leg ulcers. I am on steriods for Polymyalgia Rheumatica which has it’s own problems like weight gain, intestinal trouble, and insomnia. I’ve been in the hospital for a ruptured ulcer in my colon. I’ve been on so many antibiotics just trying to get a grip on the infections I so easy get. But I continue to press on.  It may not be perfect now, but I am thankful for the progress I’ve made since the first days the illness started. 

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”1 Cor. 15:54

Solar Power or Spirit Power?

 Solar power or Spirit Power?

We recently had solar panels installed on our house. It was an ordeal getting them working, but once they did our electricity is TOTALLY FREE! It’s awesome. 

Isn’t that like the Baptism of the Holy Spirit?? When we were saved we recieved Jesus, the Father and the Spirt. We were sealed. But we were still operating under our own power. Paying our own electirc bill so to speak.

But when we recieve the baptism of the Holy Spirit we are not only sealed but filled with his power. We get plugged in to God’s electric company! The sky is bluer, the grass is greener, and we recieve a heavenly language that goes beyond our human ability to pray and praise. It’s awesome! It changed my life!  I can use it as much as I want and it never runs dry or bankrupts me! Ha! 

Don’t be afraid to ask for HIS power. It takes the load off! Ask for it. Use your own voice and let him take control of the words. Sometimes it sounds like baby talk, but that’s ok. Jesus understands it. You’ll never be the same!

But wait, there is a child....

Harrison and Gabriel, our twin boys were here for only a short time before they passed into eternity. Their bodies too fragile for the early delivery that forced them from safety into a tragic world. My only grandchildren were boys. Two twin brothers in heaven.

Here I am entering my golden years with an empty knee and hollow holiday. They would be teenagers now and squealing about presents under the tree, fighting, laughing, living. But they are are not here and there is a hole instead.

So quiet with out children during the holidays. Why put up the tree? Just the two of us older folk, and an empty nest. But wait, there is a child. Baby Jesus was born and we can celebrate His arrival this Christmas. He is our hope, our Savior from the darkness. Bringing us into His light and family.

Psalms 42:11

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Thundercats ho! give me sight beyond sight!

When my kids were little they used to watch the cartoon Thundercats. The hero of the story was Lion-O and he had a powerful sword that he would lift into the sky and cry "Sword of Omens give me sight beyond sight! Thundercats ho!" 

One day in the backyard the kids were playing their favorite cartoon Thundercats. I watched my son lift his little plastic sword into the air, and I began to cringe thinking he was going to call on the sword of omens, but instead he cried "amen!" It was the most powerful word he knew and he said it with great conviction! Amen, so be it!

Sometimes I forget to look beyond the physical stuff and see the spiritual world. To remember that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Eph. 6:12

"The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of His calling, and what the riches of His inheritance in the saints." Eph. 1:18

Mirror Mirror on the Wall!

We live in a complicated world filled with strife. Strife between nations and world powers. Even strife in our small communities called families. Daily stresses that wear us down and can cause us to want to blame circumstances or the actions of other people for the pain and turmoil in our lives. It's easy to blame the devil for the hardships, bad attitudes and financial difficulties we face. But I find my biggest enemy is not the Devil, or other people, but the person in the mirror. Lord,protect me from myself! My bad attitude and tendency to wallow in self pity which can lead me to making poor choices.I must take responsibility for my own actions, motives and feelings first before I can see clearly what is really happening in my personal world.

"…first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.:Mathew 7:5

The Los Angeles Olympics…come on in!

The Los Angeles Olympics…come on in!

The phone rang very early that morning. It was my sister in law Lisa asking if we would like to attend a track and field event at the Los Angeles coliseum. It was August, 1984

and the summer Olympics were underway. Her dad, who was the current supervisor of Ventura County, had been given a complimetary set of tickets, but was unable use them. Lisa hated to see them go to waste, so with very short notice, she called to see if we were interested.

My husband Doug was a cross country runner in high school and college. He was thrilled! I wasn't so sure I wanted to sit on hard bleachers all day in the hot sun watching track and field, but my mom volunteered to watch our two year old son, so I agreed to go. It was a 45 minute drive from Thousand Oaks to the 8 am event. We found parking a few blocks away and followed the signs to the front gate. The Coliseum was decked out with colorful banners and Olympic rings. There were swarms of people everywhere with cameras around their necks and programs in their hands. The air was electric!

When we enter the grounds, we showed our tickets to the guards at the front gates and asked them if they knew where our seats were. They shrugged their shoulders and pointed us to another set of guards. We felt like two dumb tourist trying to make sense of these "free tickets!" No one seemed to know where our seats were.

"Great" I was thinking. "We're probably at the wrong event!"

Finally after several attempts we found someone who looked at our tickets and grinned. He took us to a concrete area under the bleachers. I thought we were going to be ushered out to the parking lot or assaulted! But instead he pointed ahead and said "Use that elevator over there. It goes to the Presidential box."

We looked at each other? Huh? Still not sure where we were going.

"Take the elevator to the top," he assured us. "Some one will be there to show you to your seats."

We stepped into the elevator and Doug pushed the only button that went up. Ding, ding. Up went the elevator and then stopped. Ding, ding. The doors opened and we stepped out into a curtain lined corridor. We were greeted by a friendly man wearing an unassuming uniform. He glanced at our tickets and said "Let me show you to your seats."

We followed him down the blue curtained corridor into a large, but narrow room with huge, long windows. There was a narrow bar under the windows with several empty padded chairs. Each chair had a separate viewing area with a close circuit TV for the close up action on the field. The windows hosted a spectacular view of the entire interior of the coliseum with it's red clay track and green grassy field. It looked like a view from a post card!

"Here are your seats." He gestured to two seats in the middle of the long span of windows. "Behind us is the open bar and buffet. Make your self at home. If you need anything please ask." He walked away.

Our mouths must have fallen open. I think we were dumbfounded. A few seats down from us was the ABC newscast filming the live sporting event from our prestigious press box seats.

The buffet table was filled with mounds of all kinds of fruits, meats, cheeses, and a variety of juices, coffee, teas and sweet rolls. We sat at the helm of our private viewing station nibbling fruit and before you knew it we were watching the Los Angeles Olympic relay races from our million dollar seats.  

After a few hours of watching wheel chair races, long distance walking and running, I stood up to look for a restroom. Before I was on my feet the same nice gentleman was at my elbow.

"Can I show you to the bathroom?" he asked? and walked me over to a private door.

"Thank you," I replied, pretending this was all quite normal, and I disappeared behind the wooden door.

Once inside, I stood looking at myself in the mirror, shaking my fuzzy head. We had just returned to California after living two years in Turkey. Doug was in the US air force,but his enlistment time was up and we were now living with my parents while he looked for work. I had a $10 bill in my straw purse, no job or home. This experience was so far from our present reality. I was simply flabbergasted.

There was a little window near the bathroom sink, so I peeked out and saw tons of people in colorful shorts sitting on hard cement bleachers putting on their sun block, wearing visors and drinking coke out of large paper cups! The contrast was shocking! Here we were in the press box with our cushy seats, silverware and air conditioning, while those poor blokes were sitting on hot concrete risers!

It was a day we will never forget! That afternoon we watched Olympic metals being presented to the winners of various events; the nations anthems swelling with pride as we stood observing from our glass box. I have vivid memories of red blood streaming from the raw hands of a man lifting his arms in victory from his wheel chair, the winner of the wheel chair race. He struggled to his feet when the US anthem began to play and soon received his precious Olympic metal.

I still have those orange paper tickets displayed in a little glass frame on our book shelf. They are a reminder of the day we were treated like millionaires and ushered into the highest and most prestigious seats in the house. Seats we didn't even have to pay for! Seats we enjoyed because we showed up with the right tickets! Like "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" we had the golden tickets!

When I think of that spectacular day it reminds me of what it means to be a child of the King. A King's Kid. Once we received salvation, our golden ticket, we have the privilege of walking straight into the presence of God in Holy of Holies. There is no longer a curtain of separation between us and God. We simply need to enter the room.

Hebrews 4:16

"Let us therefore draw near with boldness unto the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace to help us in time of need."

Diamonds In The Kitty Litter

It's funny to think that God really cares about the little things in our lives. I mean, there are so many more important things for Him to take care of in this world than the silly things I pray about. Does he really care if I get a good parking spot! Maybe I need the exercise and His answer for me a good healthy walk every day!

Several years ago I attended a short Bible study on prayer. The first message was very simple…listen. When you pray listen to the Spirit of God and then do what He tells you. God rarely does anything the same way twice. For example when Jesus ministered to people he might form mud with dirt and spit and then place it on someones eyes and they would receive sight! Or he might tell them to go and show themselves to the Rabbi and healing would follow. He would tailor each prayer to the individual person and do specifically what God told him to do. So I decided to try and put this into practice.

Doug and I were on the prayer team at church and after the Sunday sermon we would go forward to pray with people. One night a young lady came up to us and asked for prayer. I didn't know who she was or anything about her. We were instructed to listen to the Holy Spirit before speaking to the person about their needs. So we held hands and quietly prayed in the Spirit for a few seconds, taking our time to listen. A scripture came to my mind from the book of Isaiah 54 about the Lord being our husband and not to despise widowhood. It was kind of strange but I thought maybe the Lord wanted me to encourage her by telling her not to be sad, that God was as close to her as a husband. I didn't know if she was married or not. I gave her the scripture. She looked surprised and went on to tell us she had been recently widowed and her husband had died of AIDS. Because of the stigma and shame AIDS brought she felt very despised by the people of God and on top of that she was also the pastor sister!! Today I can't

remember why she came up for prayer, but that simple scripture God whispered in my heart encouraged all three of us that God really is listening and does care. He wants to meet our needs.

Another time during this period in my life I was praying about our missing dog Chester. He was a friendly orange pomeranian and had disappeared about 6 weeks before. I had just heard another message on prayer about binding and loosing God's will and how we can send the angels out to make a way for God answer. So under my breath while I wiped down the kitchen counter I prayed " God please bring Chester home. If someone has taken him I ask you to send the angels to make a way for him to come home. Cause the person who took him to feel guilty and give him back. Amen" I don't remember any surge of faith or why I thought someone might have him, but it seemed possible, as he was a very friendly dog. Within seconds the phone rang. "Hi, I have your dog. I've had him for a few weeks. He showed up one day and he got along so well with our new puppy we decided to keep him. But I feel really guilty. I found your phone number on his dog tag and had to call." No kidding. Chester was home in 20 minutes!! He was also about 5 pounds fatter!

Lastly, a diamond fell out of my wedding ring. I don't know where or when it happened, but one day I looked down and it was missing. A couple of days later while I was sweeping the kitchen floor I remembered I should pray and ask God to help me find it. My faith was not very strong, but I thought "you have not because you ask not," so I asked God to help me find it. I grabbed the dust buster off the wall and sucked up the kitty litter that had fallen around the litter box on the kitchen floor. After it was cleaned

up I rehung the little vacuum back on the hook over the kitchen counter. A small pile of dirt and clay litter fell out of the hand held machine all over my freshly cleaned white kitchen tile. Irritated with the mess I had just created I looked down and there was my diamond right in the middle of the dusty kitty litter! I was shocked!

Does God care? Yes, and those small but big answers to our prayers are His way of saying I hear you and I love you. It also helps build our faith when we see him answer. So I encourage you to pray and listen, send out the angels, and get specific. How will you know He hears you if you never ask? Get specific, write it down, and when He answers tell someone.

"Do not fear, you shall not be put to shame;

do not be discouraged, you shall not be disgraced.

For the shame of your youth you shall forget,

the reproach of your widowhood no longer remember.

For your husband is your Maker;

the LORD of hosts is his name,

Your redeemer,* the Holy One of Israel,

called God of all the earth.

The LORD calls you back,

like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,

A wife married in youth and then cast off,

says your God.

For a brief moment I abandoned you,

but with great tenderness I will take you back.

In an outburst of wrath, for a moment

I hid my face from you;

But with enduring love I take pity on you,

says the LORD, your redeemer." Isaiah 54:4-8

Clock in. Clock out.

It's so easy to get caught up in daily grind. Clock in. Clock out. Work, home, school, repeat. We get caught up in the mundane and we forget we have an enemy who wants to steal, kill and destroy us! It lulls us into a false sense of security and spiritual sleep.

I think the greatest weapon used against us is the mundane. I mean, if the enemy appeared to us as a big red demon we would wake up and swing our axe! But no, he is quiet and sneaks around trying to set ambushes and snares in our daily routine then blames it on someone else. He whispers to us in our own voice. Wake up. Pay attention to your thought life and mindless cruise control. We have an enemy. Be on the look out! Watch out for pot holes. Take charge of your choices. Remember we are spiritual beings living in a physical world. We are children of the Most High and the enemy is not your co worker, but the devil. We have the ability to make good and powerful choices.We are called to spiritual warfare which begins in our minds, even if our feet are still on the ground.

"Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines," Song of Solomon 2:15

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

For this reason was the Son of God manifest....to destroy the works of the enemy." 1 John 3:8b

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." 1Pet 5:8

Mr Magoo and His Nearsightedness

Have you ever thought about the many times you have escaped near death or an accident? That time you didn't see the stop sign and sailed right through the intersection without mishap!

Several years ago my husband and I were on route to Adana, Turkey. As our pilot began to land the plane he saw another plane coming straight at us and he realized we were on the wrong runway! Our plane took a sudden bank to the right and shot straight up into the air! Military passengers were gasping and cursing! I nearly vomited! We landed safely a few minutes later on the right runway.

I think sometimes we are like Mr. Magoo who arrives at his destination safely with no idea of the many catastrophes he's left behind all because of Divine protection.

"He will give his angels charged over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways." Ps. 91:11

Are You Going to Ascend, Transcend, Or Just End?

Have you found something to live for? A reason to get out of bed every morning? What lights up your eyes? Do you have a purpose for being here? Or are you just going through the motions waiting to die? And what about an afterlife? Are you going to ascend, transcend, or just end?

I had this discussion recently with someone I love. I said "You had better find a reason for living!" (Otherwise you will tailspin back into depression and addiction, I thought.) Most cultures have believed in someone or something bigger than themselves. The Egyptians, Greeks and Romans had many gods. They also believed in an afterlife. The America Indian believed in a Great Spirit and some tribes believe in magic and even demons. Is there a spirit world? What is it in us that longs for more. CS Lewis wrote "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

These are questions honest people ask. I have wrestled with these questions a lot in my adult life. The bottom line, I choose to believe in heaven and that God has made a way for me to get there through Jesus. I have a Creator who made me with relationship in mind and that He created this beautiful world for me to enjoy. Not just survive and then die.

This hope is what keeps me getting out of bed every morning. I have a song in my heart because the living God loves me. Sure things aren't always great, but I believe He is good all the time. Even when life is difficult I know my Father cares. He whispers His love to me through nature, the Bible and those I love.   find great comfort in that. But it is a choice. My choice. It gives my life meaning and hope. I don't always feel Him. I choose to believe by faith which fills me with hope and gives me the desire to love. I'm not trying to preach at you but if you are struggling with meaning in your life what are you living for? anything? Make a choice.

As Joshua said Choose this day whom you shall serve….we are all serving someone or something….

For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. Col. 1:16

To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: Col. 1:27

God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His

power. Heb. 1: 1-4

And the Battle Rages On....

If you have the Spirit of God residing in you, you are children of the light. That light is like a flash light that shines into the darkness and reveals sin. It's very simple. The battle comes when we do not want to be obedient to God's light and want to stay in the darkness. We can't find satisfaction in the dark because we now have the Holy Spirits illumination. It's impossible. It's like having a lantern under the blanket! Believers who stray from the light, which is God's truth, are the most miserable creatures on the planet. Angry because no matter what they do the light follows them around exposing sin and they can never truly ever enjoy it again.

Colossians says that "God delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son." He has something better for us. Peace, joy, contentment, love and purpose. People who walk in the light get to their destination. If you aren't getting victory over an addiction or lifestyle have you submitted yourself to God? Or are you trying to live in your own strength without Him? I would encourage you to lay your pride down and accept that you are not in control. By faith believe that God does exist and has a satisfying plan for your life. Until you do, the battle will rage on.

"Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." John 8:12

"Submit yourself to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7

Say the Name!

I grew up In Redondo Beach, California and our next door neighbor had a little girl named Lou Lou. I remember this because the kids would tease her and say " Ho ho ho, you 're an eskimo!" 

Lou Lou was from Alaska. Here it is 45 years later and I still remember those words. Words are powerful. Words can build you up or tear you down. They may not be able to break your bones, but they can hurt you.

When I was very young my favorite cartoon was Felix the Cat. He had a funny little friend named Vavoom. He was named this because when he opened his mouth and said "VAVOOM!" everything around him was blasted away! He was great at knocking mountains and obstacles down!

And then I remember some of the very first words recorded in the Bible, God Said. God said "Let there be light. "BANG! Light! God said! BANG! Ocean! God Said! BANG! Sky! God said! BANG! Vegetation! God Said! BANG! Animals! It's pretty amazing. God's voice is more powerful than Vavooms!

The Bible also says that Jesus is the WORD! Jesus is the most powerful word there is! Say the name and BANG! darkness has to flee! Say the name! Bang! Peace prevails! Say the Name and obstacles are blasted away. Say the Name. SAY THE NAME! JESUS.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:1-5

Who's Got You?

"Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Look! It'sSuperman!"

I just love Superman! He is so idealistic and has so many cheesy lines! I especially like the 1978 movie with Christopher Reeve. Who can forget the memorable scene when Lois falls off the building and while plummeting to her death Superman catches her mid air!

"Easy miss. I've got you" Superman says.

"You, you've got me? Who's got you?" Lois Lane asks.

Ever felt like that? Falling, with no end in sight and yet somehow you land. Or the many times you have to walk through trials, but God sustains you.

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " Isaiah 41:10

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)

Superman: Listen; what do you hear?

Lois Lane: Nothing.

Superman: I hear everything. You wrote that the world doesn't need a savior, but every day I hear people crying for one.

Aren't you glad we have THE Savior? and He is better than any super-man!

What is the Good News? To sum it up very simply....whether you are a christian or not God no longer counts your sins against you. Wow! Sounds like heresy!

Think of it like this: I have a bank account and it is empty or most likely in the negative. I owe big time. But I have no funds or resources on my own to pay my debtors. I am bankrupt. But here is the truth. God has ALREADY wired a deposit into your account but you have to access it, receive it. Sign for it. Remove the "hold" on it. When you receive Gods son Jesus as your payment for sin it is credited to your account as righteousness. When you received Jesus as savior the transaction was complete! Like an electronic transaction, in an instant, the debt was cleared. 

Honestly it is paid even if you never do anything, but you must sign the agreement, receive the Son, for the funds transfer to be recorded into the book of life. It's like the money is in a holding tank with your name on it waiting for your "yes"so it can be released into your bank account. God has already set the money aside for you, so use it.

"However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. "

Romans 4:5

"God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 

2 Corinthians 5: 19-21